irreality [in progress]

[working] artist statement
I spend a lot of time nowadays thinking about my life, but I don’t believe that I am the one who has lived it. On a daily basis, I have to remind myself that my memories are mine precisely because I have experienced them. Without these reminders, life feels like a video game in which I am controlling a character without being that character. This daily cycle of disassociation, memory and re-memory has forced me to question my own reality, as I know my truth because I have experienced it from my perspective, but how is my truth troubled by other people’s truths, and reciprocally, how does my truth trouble other truths? Is my truth even real? In this work, I have devised scenes that portray my reality, as well as my struggle to realize and name it as such. I have made out-of-focus self-portrait photographs in order to obscure myself both physically and spiritually, asking us to question our individual and collective relationships to me (I use the first person plural “us” here as I, too, am questioning my relationship to myself). In my videos, I have crafted scenes that depict obstacles I face on a daily basis - the word “obstacles” being defined by the social context in which I live. I transgress gendered boundaries through my interactions with physical objects intended for the “feminine,” “female,” and “women” categories that, culturally, I am denied access to because of my perceived proximity in bodily appearance to the hegemonic “masculine,” “male,” and “man” categories. This denial, I believe, is largely the source of my dissociative tendencies. I live in obscurity because there are few to no references that I can use define myself. From “man in a dress” to the singular “they” pronoun - I am still lost in our shared lexicon, unable to locate myself for anyone to fully grasp my lived experience, let alone for me to accurately define my own truth.

digital photographs and video